On day number 100 of our ‘officially waiting’, I thought I would give an update of where we sit. If you haven’t read the past post “Math? Not so much, thanks…” (Nov. 16th), here is a preview: At that time, we were at spot number 74 out of 82 families on what I like to call the ‘can-I-at-least-feel-like-I-have-a-shred-of-control-in-this-process-pretty-pretty-please’ list, and per CHS there were 184 families on there ‘real’ list. With those numbers I made up some math, spun around in a circle, threw some magic beans in the air and predicted we were sitting at about spot #166 on the list-that-matters. That was mid-November.
So, here we try again. We are now are sitting at number 55 out of 78 people on the fake list. At CHS’s last update in mid-December, they said there was 186 families actually waiting. So, for every one person on the fake list, there are approximately 2.4 people on the real… 55 x 2.4 = close your eyes and pray really hard it is somehow magically less than spot #100… nope. Plops us down at about spot number 132.
One hundred thirty two out of one hundred eighty six. Not so bad, I guess.
Have a great weekend. And thank you for making it to day number 100 with me.
Peace.
Friday, January 11, 2008
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
2,352 Hours
Today marks 14 weeks of waiting to find out who our Little One will be. That equals out to 98 sometimes good, sometimes bad days. I think I will have a little celebration on Friday for making it all the way to day number 100 without some serious cracking. For example, in those (soon to be) 100 days, I have only broke down and sent three emails to our specialist at the agency to basically ask stupid questions that I already know the answer to, but am not so happy about, to see if I ask again the answer will magically change. Just for me. Like it will all of a sudden dawn on her, ‘Oh, wait! This is Beth we’re talking about! She doesn’t have to wait the possible 6-9 months, silly us! Here is your referral, go get on the plane!’ By the way, that hasn’t happened yet. Her answers are always very sympathetic, but understandably reasonable and logical. *sigh* But, I’ll keep you posted. And only three emails out of 100 days? I think that takes some serious restraint on my part.
I’ve read that you can’t let yourself get worn down in the ‘waiting’ part of adoption, because then by the actual ‘Here is a screaming child, he is yours! Oh- and by the way, he has intestinal parasites, so watch out for flying poop!’ part you are already not in your best mental shape. And I have heard enough first hand stories that I believe Post-Adoption Depression is a real thing. That is not going to happen to me! But it is hard not to get weary. I keep having little nightmares that I am walking a couple steps behind a little brown child, and I can never quite get to him in time to keep bad things from happening. Like, a snake will jump out and bite him before I can scoop him up out of the way. Or, he trips on a stick and skins his knee before I can catch him. They aren’t jolt you out of your sleep kind of dreams, just wake up sorta’ sad kind of dreams. I think ‘weary’ is the best way to describe my feeling. Just weary.
So, I’m taking my wise husband’s advice, and am going to try and throw myself back into my hobbies that I had previously put on hold because we were busy running from class to government office, and filling out form after form. I actually did finish the top of a crib sized quilt, and am working on other sewing / craft projects. Don't know how useful these things will be in the future, I may just end up with a house full of small quilts and misc crafts, but at least my hands and mind will stay busy!
Peace.
I’ve read that you can’t let yourself get worn down in the ‘waiting’ part of adoption, because then by the actual ‘Here is a screaming child, he is yours! Oh- and by the way, he has intestinal parasites, so watch out for flying poop!’ part you are already not in your best mental shape. And I have heard enough first hand stories that I believe Post-Adoption Depression is a real thing. That is not going to happen to me! But it is hard not to get weary. I keep having little nightmares that I am walking a couple steps behind a little brown child, and I can never quite get to him in time to keep bad things from happening. Like, a snake will jump out and bite him before I can scoop him up out of the way. Or, he trips on a stick and skins his knee before I can catch him. They aren’t jolt you out of your sleep kind of dreams, just wake up sorta’ sad kind of dreams. I think ‘weary’ is the best way to describe my feeling. Just weary.
So, I’m taking my wise husband’s advice, and am going to try and throw myself back into my hobbies that I had previously put on hold because we were busy running from class to government office, and filling out form after form. I actually did finish the top of a crib sized quilt, and am working on other sewing / craft projects. Don't know how useful these things will be in the future, I may just end up with a house full of small quilts and misc crafts, but at least my hands and mind will stay busy!
Peace.
Monday, January 7, 2008
There Are No Carp Babies In The Tap Water
Since we haven’t heard boo from our agency, I am left to my own vices. Which lately, unfortunately, has meant a lot of television watching and lifeless sitting on the couch for me. I think I’ve made a permanent butt indent. I never used to watch this much TV…
Anyways, I saw an add the other day for a certain water filtration company - I won’t say the name directly, because Google and I have some qualms of how easily my blog comes up as a search result with the oddest searches. Well, I should say I have qualms, Google I am sure couldn’t care less. I realized my odd blog traffic when I signed up for a free ‘site tracker’ kind-of-thingy, which can tell me how people found my site. It is bizarre. So, anyway, let’s just say it starts with a ‘B’ and ends with a ‘rita’.
You may have seen it. It starts with a close-up of a beautiful flowing stream, and says something along the lines of ‘If this was your water, you wouldn’t need us’. Then it cuts to a congested four lane freeway, and the narrator states ‘but you live here.’ Umm… really? Are they seriously trying to tell me that my quality tested, EPA stamped tap water in a major metropolitan city (since they showed the congested freeway) is just too unsafe to consume? Hark, I better shell out more money to make my clean water cleaner!
I think the reason this bugs me so is there is an actual, very serious problem with unsafe drinking water throughout the world. A devastating one. For millions, a fatal one. But this is not the case necessarily here, in the US, where this commercial is being played. In making it seem like we have water quality issues, they are trivializing the millions who are in reality impacted daily dealing with the ramifications of unsanitary water. And that just plain bothers me.
Or, maybe I am just crabby. TV in general does bring out the worst in me, and my rear is sore from sitting so long, staring off into the glow. But, either way, it is still straight from the tap (but sometimes refrigerated) city water for me. And I have yet to catch dysentery.
Anyways, I saw an add the other day for a certain water filtration company - I won’t say the name directly, because Google and I have some qualms of how easily my blog comes up as a search result with the oddest searches. Well, I should say I have qualms, Google I am sure couldn’t care less. I realized my odd blog traffic when I signed up for a free ‘site tracker’ kind-of-thingy, which can tell me how people found my site. It is bizarre. So, anyway, let’s just say it starts with a ‘B’ and ends with a ‘rita’.
You may have seen it. It starts with a close-up of a beautiful flowing stream, and says something along the lines of ‘If this was your water, you wouldn’t need us’. Then it cuts to a congested four lane freeway, and the narrator states ‘but you live here.’ Umm… really? Are they seriously trying to tell me that my quality tested, EPA stamped tap water in a major metropolitan city (since they showed the congested freeway) is just too unsafe to consume? Hark, I better shell out more money to make my clean water cleaner!
I think the reason this bugs me so is there is an actual, very serious problem with unsafe drinking water throughout the world. A devastating one. For millions, a fatal one. But this is not the case necessarily here, in the US, where this commercial is being played. In making it seem like we have water quality issues, they are trivializing the millions who are in reality impacted daily dealing with the ramifications of unsanitary water. And that just plain bothers me.
Or, maybe I am just crabby. TV in general does bring out the worst in me, and my rear is sore from sitting so long, staring off into the glow. But, either way, it is still straight from the tap (but sometimes refrigerated) city water for me. And I have yet to catch dysentery.
Thursday, December 27, 2007
Making a Haul & Trying Hard Not to Obsess
My apologies, I have been super-bad about updating the blog. Here are my excuses, in no particular order: 1) The holidays are coming! Who can conjure up time to write when there are 70 cards to be addressed, presents to wrap, and eggnog to consume? 2) The holidays are over. Who can conjure up time to write when there is a tree to take down, scraps of wrapping paper everywhere to pick up, and Christmas leftovers to consume? 3) I’m just trying not to think about it so much.
Okay, number three is the biggest reason. I have found myself in a bit of predicament, it seems. I’m in a spot where I know, barring some catastrophic event (by the way, we still haven’t been approved by Immigration. I swear I was still a citizen the last time I checked… although I hear the government keeps track of the books you take out from the library – I wonder how many time you can check out ‘The Communist Manifesto’ in college and not be exiled?), that by the end of ’08 Little-One will be here for me to look after, and I feel there are six-quadrillion things I need to do to prepare. At the same time, I feel like we can’t really prepare because so much is still so up in the air. Until I receive that referral, which since we are almost three months into ‘waiting’ could be anywhere from now to six months from now, I am in limbo. And that is an awful feeling to have.
I am not trying to make it all about me; I know my future child is undoubtedly going through tough times, much worse than my impatient waiting. And no, I do not want the birth family to ‘hurry up’ and make an adoption plan. But the uncertainty sucks and the wait is giving me way too much time to obsess. I wonder if there is an actual concrete number of times a person can check an adoption forum in a day before one is considered unhealthy? Hmmm… I hope that number is more than 10…
So, instead of whining about waiting, let’s talk about the holidays. Little-One made a haul! I had been saying to Brad for about a month we should buy the Little-One a Christmas present, but he disagreed. I have been known to overreact when it comes to my impending motherhood, so I took his word and we bought no baby presents. We did, however, receive wonderful presents from family members for Little-One! Aha… I wasn’t crazy…
Quilts and gift cards and monkeys, oh my!
Thank you to everyone who thought of Little-One during the holiday, it warms our hearts to know he is so loved, before we even know who he is.
Okay, number three is the biggest reason. I have found myself in a bit of predicament, it seems. I’m in a spot where I know, barring some catastrophic event (by the way, we still haven’t been approved by Immigration. I swear I was still a citizen the last time I checked… although I hear the government keeps track of the books you take out from the library – I wonder how many time you can check out ‘The Communist Manifesto’ in college and not be exiled?), that by the end of ’08 Little-One will be here for me to look after, and I feel there are six-quadrillion things I need to do to prepare. At the same time, I feel like we can’t really prepare because so much is still so up in the air. Until I receive that referral, which since we are almost three months into ‘waiting’ could be anywhere from now to six months from now, I am in limbo. And that is an awful feeling to have.
I am not trying to make it all about me; I know my future child is undoubtedly going through tough times, much worse than my impatient waiting. And no, I do not want the birth family to ‘hurry up’ and make an adoption plan. But the uncertainty sucks and the wait is giving me way too much time to obsess. I wonder if there is an actual concrete number of times a person can check an adoption forum in a day before one is considered unhealthy? Hmmm… I hope that number is more than 10…
So, instead of whining about waiting, let’s talk about the holidays. Little-One made a haul! I had been saying to Brad for about a month we should buy the Little-One a Christmas present, but he disagreed. I have been known to overreact when it comes to my impending motherhood, so I took his word and we bought no baby presents. We did, however, receive wonderful presents from family members for Little-One! Aha… I wasn’t crazy…
Quilts and gift cards and monkeys, oh my!
Thank you to everyone who thought of Little-One during the holiday, it warms our hearts to know he is so loved, before we even know who he is.
Friday, December 21, 2007
Have a nice flight, paperwork!
Sometime last week Brad called to tell me the check we had written to a courier service and then given to Children’s Home along with our last set of paperwork (seemingly eons ago) was finally cashed. That could mean only one thing, and today I confirmed it with CHS – our dossier has taken its transatlantic fight to Ethiopia on 12/11/07. I hope it got at least two packages of peanuts, that is a long ride.
In the real scheme of things, it doesn’t really mean too much. I’ve been told they send the paperwork in batches ‘sometime’ during your wait, with no real particular order. So, although it isn’t really any kind of indicator that we are any closer to receiving a referral, it is still nice to know a little piece of us, albeit an authenticated, notarized, translated into Amharic piece of us, is sitting on someone’s desk in Ethiopia. The forms we so dutifully filled out are probably within an approximate 500 mile radius from my little-one, as opposed to my 8,000 mile radius.
Baby steps, people, baby steps.
Wishing everyone a joyous holiday.
In the real scheme of things, it doesn’t really mean too much. I’ve been told they send the paperwork in batches ‘sometime’ during your wait, with no real particular order. So, although it isn’t really any kind of indicator that we are any closer to receiving a referral, it is still nice to know a little piece of us, albeit an authenticated, notarized, translated into Amharic piece of us, is sitting on someone’s desk in Ethiopia. The forms we so dutifully filled out are probably within an approximate 500 mile radius from my little-one, as opposed to my 8,000 mile radius.
Baby steps, people, baby steps.
Wishing everyone a joyous holiday.
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Bit of Housecleaning Matters
I have returned from my blog-hiatus, but not with anything too exciting or dramatic. Just a few house-cleaning items to take care of:
First off, I would like to thank everyone who sent cards and emails and flowers, and especially everyone who came and even helped out at Granny’s funeral. It was greatly appreciated, and I couldn’t have imagined a better celebration of her life and love. Thank you all.
Second of all, please don’t laugh at my holiday cards this year. That is, unless you are in the motorcycle group, in which we bought funny cards for, then please feel free and laugh. All others, you are receiving (Product)Red cards. Yes, Brad, I know we can not be guaranteed the money is actually going to buy antiviral medicine for Africa, and we could have left out the middleman and found somewhere to donate our money to directly. And yes, Kimby, I know Bono can be a complete nincompoop who sometimes seems like he uses charitable events to bolster his ego. Even I think their ‘manifesto’ to be written like it was dumbed-down for ‘generation-simplify-and-hippify-it-for-me’, which bugs me, too. And also, yes, I know they were overpriced and not cute and holiday cheery. But, I bought them anyway, because Hallmark has said they will donate 8% of their net wholesale sales to the Global Fund, and I am feeling like I need to do something to give back. Brad, knowing it meant something to me, dutifully agreed even though I know he really likes sending out the picture postcard types. There is always next year, where hopefully our holiday card includes a picture of our little one.
So, as you open you holiday cards this year, know that there was good intentions behind them, even though a few people have pointed out that good intentions don’t always add up to anything concrete, and that yes, Bono is a bit of a schmuck.
Happy Holidays and cheer.
First off, I would like to thank everyone who sent cards and emails and flowers, and especially everyone who came and even helped out at Granny’s funeral. It was greatly appreciated, and I couldn’t have imagined a better celebration of her life and love. Thank you all.
Second of all, please don’t laugh at my holiday cards this year. That is, unless you are in the motorcycle group, in which we bought funny cards for, then please feel free and laugh. All others, you are receiving (Product)Red cards. Yes, Brad, I know we can not be guaranteed the money is actually going to buy antiviral medicine for Africa, and we could have left out the middleman and found somewhere to donate our money to directly. And yes, Kimby, I know Bono can be a complete nincompoop who sometimes seems like he uses charitable events to bolster his ego. Even I think their ‘manifesto’ to be written like it was dumbed-down for ‘generation-simplify-and-hippify-it-for-me’, which bugs me, too. And also, yes, I know they were overpriced and not cute and holiday cheery. But, I bought them anyway, because Hallmark has said they will donate 8% of their net wholesale sales to the Global Fund, and I am feeling like I need to do something to give back. Brad, knowing it meant something to me, dutifully agreed even though I know he really likes sending out the picture postcard types. There is always next year, where hopefully our holiday card includes a picture of our little one.
So, as you open you holiday cards this year, know that there was good intentions behind them, even though a few people have pointed out that good intentions don’t always add up to anything concrete, and that yes, Bono is a bit of a schmuck.
Happy Holidays and cheer.
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