That Particular Red Puppet

I don’t know how it happened, but that particular red puppet whose voice is like nails on a chalkboard to anyone over the age of 7, he has invaded our lives.

Before Little One was even a thought, I had always sworn up and down that my children were not going to watch much television – and certainly not fall prey to the whatever current licensed character toy-fad was going on at the time. Even if it is educational, I figured children for years have learned their ABC’s and manners without a purple dinosaur repeatedly singing it to them – and so would my kid. I mean, really where does it stop? First, your 3 year old insists that they MUST have the Thomas the Train t-shirt RIGHT NOW or they surely will either throw an enormous tantrum right there or just possibly might even die. Then before you know it, you’ve got a 15 year old who simply MUST have the hundreds-of-dollars jeans RIGHT NOW or they surely will either throw an enormous tantrum right there or just possibly might even die. There was the logic behind my rules. Ahh… so grandiose… weren’t they? ‘Ideal Me’ would make an incredible mom.

Than there is real life, were quite frankly, ‘Ideal Me’ doesn’t know how to deal. Honestly, how else do you get an almost-three year old to sit for an hour while you braid their hair? ‘Cause, let me tell you, it ain’t through love and sunshine. Nope, it is down-right bribery. Don’t get me wrong, I love doing my daughter’s hair. I like the braiding and the experimenting with styles and the fact that no matter how mediocre my skills seem to be (though I am getting better) – her hair always turns out so darn cute it makes me giggle. And she loves the finished product, too, usually exclaiming “Cute!” when she looks in the mirror, and she likes to show the daycare lady her new style the next day. But, the actual process of it, well, it is just too hard for such a little one with SO MUCH ENERGY to be able to not only sit – but sit still. That is where movies came in. And once you start with one movie, well, it is just a slippery slope from there into licensed character madness, particularly – Elmo.

Here is how it all went down, and the day I realized my child is smarter than I. We began our journey into movie watching while doing hair with a Leap Frog video. It is just about the right length, held her attention, and somewhere deep down I know it is going to help her realize that there is an E, F, and a G in between D and H in the alphabet, which currently her version does not. So, I was mildly impressed, and began the notion that may not ALL tv was bad, and maybe I needed to loosen up. Now, I’ve come to realize there are two weapons in a preschooler’s arsenal – being all cute and sweet to get your way, and tricking your parents into believing they won the argument, even though the kid really did. Tesfu pulled both of these out of her tool-belt that infamous day Elmo came into our lives. We were racing through Wal-Mart (because, really, that is the only way to shop at Wal-Mart and keep your sanity – to race) when I realized Tes was being extra good on this trip. Surprise – no standing in the cart, no whining, to asking for multiple trips to the water fountain/bathroom. I relax a little and let down my guard (big mistake, people, big mistake). She then turns to me with the sweetest little Tesfu face she could muster, and says, “Movies make Tes happy, Mommy.” Ahhh… come on. Who can say no to that?! Are you made of stone?! So, I think we can find one more Leap Frog movie, and it actually might benefit me, too, and make hair time even better if we have different movies to choose from. We make our way to the video isle – sheer panic – no Leap Frog movies… Oh geez – she is reaching for Elmo Potty Training movie – Too much money! You are already potty trained! Panic Panic! Hysterical three year old crying will certainly ensue when I have to say ‘no’! Must find substitute! Must find substitute! Okay, there is another Elmo’s World movie for only $9.86… maybe it will suffice… Hallelujah! She is appeased without a single tear or tantrum – in fact she has a big, sneaky smile…

Wait a minute… I think I’ve been had. Somehow we are leaving the store with exactly the opposite of what I had in mind. *sigh*

So, the kid who was never going to watch tv owns an Elmo’s World movie. And loves it. LOVES IT. Just ask her, she’ll tell you “Tes is Elmo’s friend”. And who can argue with friends, even if the are spastic, red, and likes to 'ask a baby a question' every episode even though they obviously can’t answer.

(P.S. Elmo – It’s a friggin’ baby! They can’t quite articulate the answer to ‘how do you take turns?!’)