I see from my little stat counter that people do indeed look at this blog, if at least a side-ways glance. If any of you readers are experienced parents out there (a bonus if you are wise in the ways of toddler adoption) - I need help. Quit giggling! I know, I need help in all sorts of ways... But, for this moment, specifically I need guidance in this : I need my Little One to fall asleep on her own.
Here it is in a nutshell - my pumpkin, she needs a lot of reassurance at home. At daycare she is (mostly) independent, will put on her coat and boots by herself, plays well without adult intervention, and here is the kicker - will go to nap by herself (willingly!). So, I know she can do this. But, she gets home (where she is lavished with attention) - and suddenly she cannot do anything for herself. It has gotten to the point for the last week she has even wanted assistance in eating... but that maybe that is all a topic for a different day. I have an inkling what is going on here, and it will all have to be tackled one little battle at a time. So, for both my sanity and for the opportunity for Tesfu to strut her preschooler independence that I know is lurking in that cute little muffin, it is time for Tesfu to start falling asleep without Mom sitting next to her bed. For ten months, every single night (except for two) - I have had the honor of sitting in the dark waiting for the kiddo to settle down and drift off to sleep. Lately, this has been taking over an hour. An hour of sitting in the dark, occasionally having to say "No more talking - we will discuss it tomorrow" to Tes' declarations of everything from "My fingers are stinky" (oh yuck...) to "I want to give Daddy one more kiss!".
The run down : She is three years old, has been home for about 10 months. We have the same bedtime routine every night (pajamas, brush teeth, potty, read two books with both Mom and Dad, turn on lullaby music, kisses and 'big hug' as Tesfu calls it, tuck into bed, lights off, Dad leaves room but Mom stays). If I try to leave, she will get out of bed within just a few minutes, and will continue to do so. Last night, even after setting a reward that she is really excited about if she falls asleep on her own for 10 nights, she still kept getting out of bed. She begged me to stay in the room, said she didn't want the prize anymore, and so I sat back down and it took her another 45 minutes to fall asleep. Which leads to my question : Will I be scarring my bambino for life if I just stick to my guns and keep putting her back in bed, over and over and over? Which leads to my second question : How the hell do you keep a mobile child in bed without using duct tape?!
Any advice appreciated.
Thanks.
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7 comments:
The book Love and Logic has been a gem for our life with SJ. Some is a little manipulative, but the concept is good.
For bedtime, I read a book while sitting by her bed, no looks, no speaking, just reading. I lessened and lessened the time I stayed, til now we can put her down and leave. Email me if you want more info.
You're doing a great job!
First off, no you will not scar her for life if you put her in bed over and over. I think it is probably what you are going to have to do. Maybe you could set a time limit. 5-10 minutes and then leave. Or you could just do what the Super Nanny says and back out of the room a little bit at a time until you are out of there.
If it were me, I would probably just leave the room and keep putting her to bed over and over. (But I am not in your situation so take that advice with a grain of salt. :) ) You were saying that you always put her to bed. What if Brad takes this over for you? A change of pace may work?
You have to keep reminding yourself, she will be ok going to bed by herself.
She is working you.
If you are going to use a reward, I would make the reward a little more short term. It can be a smaller reward, but she won't care. Ten days is a long time for a three year old.
A piece of candy or a sticker can go a long way! Start small. Reward her for one night falling asleep without you there. Give her something special for breakfast.
This is kind of unrelated...but, when it come to discipline,
the thing that has worked the best for Alex is to take away a "privilege" when he misbehaves. This is usually toys, TV, or books if I am really desparate. I have recently added the computer to this list... :)
This puts the power in my hands. I can take away TV when I know that we are going to be running errands for the rest of the day and won't really have time for it anyways. But...it still has the same effect on Alex. NOOOO don't take that away from me! Not that he watches TV all day and night... This has worked better than time outs, screaming, and repeating myself. I know it won't do much good with your issue, but I thought I would share anyways.
Wow, I did not intend on leaving that long of a comment. :)
I know Tesfu is very coordinated, but I know parents who are trying to get their 18 year olds with disabilities out of their beds (if that doesn't scare you into dealing with this now I don't know what will!) that have used baby gates, one on top of the other to keep their kid in their room at night. It has to be better (and more legal) than duct tape.
Hey Beth, it's Dawn, Kim Scarborough's friend. First off I have to say I LOVE your blog, check it all the time! Congratulations on little Tes, she is precious! We too are in the process of adopting, still in the paperwork stage :)
I had the same problem with Tyson when he was Tes's age. He would get up, several times a night, for no reason. The only thing you can really do is just keep putting them back in bed over and over again. It will most likely get worse before it gets better but once she realizes your not giving in, she'll stay put. Good luck! Let us know how it goes!
You have gotten lots of great advice already. My best advice is to keep trying every single idea you are given until you find what works for you guys. Having Daddy take over might work, putting a gate across her door might work (if you can take the screams of protest that are sure to follow), rewarding her each day might work too.
Good luck, it is not only a process for Tes but for you as parents too because she is going to put up a fight and you have to be prepared and ready to fight back! One thing it really helps to remember when she is crying is it is their way of communicating that they really don't like something, it does not necessarily mean they are in pain. Be strong!
We brought home a 3 year old as well. She has been home a year this month. Initially she slept with us. The when I was tired of waking up with a toddler wrapped around my noggin I moved her to her own bed in our room. The eventually to her own room. That didn't last long since she wanted us with her while she fell asleep.
I know it probably doesn't help any but in the end we let her sleep with our 4 year old in the boys' room. He had a double bed so it worked out beautifully. She didn't want to sleep alone and he is sleeping better as well...added bonus.
Good Luck!!!
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